Category Archives: Personal confessions

A Stand-up

Between tonight and July, minus one

Have you ever felt a pity of yourself… a fake kind of pity, and realized it has become a real depression, much bigger than the original level of pity you just made up to make others to feel sorry about you?

It needs a big self-esteem and on contrary, a very tiny self-confidence to have such depression.

Which is a paradox. And therefore indicates bipolar thinking, which is another problem and reason to get depressed.

But I am speaking about myself of course, so I shouldn’t go too far…

Anyway, my feeling of pity started with a deadline. Deadlines have always been a huge problem for me.

Another problem, you think. You think it bcos you are superficial about your results…

I might be as well, to be honest…

It happens often, that I start so late that the last day before deadline my schedule becomes so tight, it isn’t even realistic to finish a title anymore.

It’s not about this sketch ofc…

I am speaking in annual terms now. And getting to the point: When should i get married?

No, I am not. Yet. True…

They don’t believe me in Asia, if I admit that. They are all married there before they even can meet someone they actually might like. It’s strange, I know, ‘coz they still don’t get diveorced too often.

Deadline for marriage. It should be an emotional decision, you say (I heard someone, a very young voice)

According to the rules in Asia, marriage is connected to the deadline I can fuck my girlfriend without condom to have a baby. Which means she has to become my wife at least an hour before ..that. Okay, we can cheat a bit and make love a month before marriage, and lie that it was a premature baby. But that’s all.

So, the question is about the deadline to have a baby afterall, which is purely mathematical, not emotional. Yes, it isn’t just a concern of women. My math says, it should be at least a year before the age my own dad made me. To be a better dad, I think.

So I made the calculations last night and fell asleep at 7 in the morning. The deadline is just so close I started to make a list of nightclubs… Just kidding. I have my favorite club. But I also have a girlfriend. And the math says, we should make love somewhere between tonight and July, and get married somewhere between tonight and July minus one.

Tonight minus one day was yesterday, you said? Well, I haven’t learnt much math, but I am getting older, so I’ll go and find something to wear for tonight. And my number is on screen.

Thank you

chat cinta

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What comes first and what has left

Have you ever thought to leave?

Have you ever thought to leave?

Laptop ringing. Sherlock. Old friend is calling after hearing the news that Mr White has plans for spending his summer at home, in Europe.

   *

Sherlock: Hi there. Have you ever thought you wanna leave, forever?

Mr White:  Asking like that, all of a sudden… I had a hard time a month ago. I had an accident and it was almost the next week after I was seriously sick. So I thought if something else like that would happen again, I’d leave.

Sherlock: It couldn’t be only the accident, shit happens everywhere.

Mr White: Well, I was alone in Bali and I wanted her to be by my side. It was already agreed she’d come when suddenly she had a family event and she cancelled her ticket. So I had a free weekend, I decided to look around alone, and had that accident.

Sherlock: It wasn’t because of her.

Mr White: No. But I learned an important thing. Family always comes first in Indonesia.

Sherlock: One day you’ll become her family and become the first.

Mr White: “To become a family” is far longer process than I expected.

Sherlock: What did you expect? Where should you be by now…?

Mr White: I have found a place where I’d probably be able to stay. That is good. I mean, I have a city, but not a home yet.

Sherlock: And other expectations?

Mr White: Are getting a bit worse. I am running out of age for having children. And still do not have income here.

Sherlock: Well, not having money has never stopped anyone of having children. Think about students…

Mr White: You think in terms of society without serious religious background. Yes,  in Europe I can get laid, make babies and start living normally together even without getting married, and my parents would accept it. A matter of months. And having a gay friend on top of that.

Sherlock: I am not a gay.

Mr White: Haha. I mean I could have.

Sherlock: Fine. But you’ll come here in summer?

Mr White: Yes. And we’ll have a beer and make sauna.

Sherlock: Just don’t get cold in sauna, beachboy.

Mr White: Just make it hot. I know you’re not a gay.

Sherlock: Oh f.

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